The Lord is
testing my faith. That’s what this has
to be. First of all, I am SO, SO, SO
very thankful to be having Fishy. A
little anxious, yes, but very grateful that David’s and my prayers were
answered. However, I’m tired. I know it
doesn’t get better after the baby comes, but I’m tired. My feet hurt, my back hurts, my legs
hurt. Carpal tunnel drives me nuts. My ankles/legs/feet, have swollen past the
point of cankles and on into the “Flintstone” stage. Socks that would normally come over my knees
now barely make it past my ankles. I
have headaches and nose bleeds and have to pee ALL the time. My rings don’t fit, my clothes don’t fit, my
shoes don’t fit. I’m tired of being
hungry and tired and achy, and I’m just ready for Fishy to be here.
Again, I’m very
thankful for Fishy. I see God’s sense of
humor and am glad He’s enjoying this. I’ve
had a pretty easy pregnancy aside from just being uncomfortable, but I’m ready
for baby. (Maybe not ready for baby,
just ready to be normal again.) I do
really think that God is allowing me to be miserable so that I don’t worry
about the pain and what’s about to happen.
I usually have to be distracted so that I don’t worry about stuff. I’m just ready for the little turd head to be
here. There are 12 days until my due
date. I’m pretty sure Fishy is going to
be a procrastinator like his daddy and wait til the very last minute to greet
us. My friend Brittney’s due date is 2
weeks after mine. Well, she’s in labor
as I type. I’m quite bitter today…although
super excited for her! I know He’s just
testing my faith and patience.
The doctor has
given us the option of scheduling an induction for next week. I’m supposed to let her know my decision when
I see her Thursday. I was all for it at
first. I love the idea of knowing it
will be my doctor who delivers Fishy and the fact that I can schedule it (I’m
not too keen on surprises). However, the
more I think about it, I’m not so sure induction is for me. David is more worried about the fact the
doctor said induction increases the chance of a c-section. That doesn’t worry me so much though. My main conviction is that I asked for this
pregnancy. I asked for this baby. I’ve prayed for a healthy baby and safe
delivery for months. Everything has been
in God’s perfect timing and according to his almighty plan. Why should I try to interfere and take it
into my own hands when I’ve trusted Him this far. Yeah, I’m miserable, but God is perfect. His timing is perfect. He will let Fishy arrive exactly when Fishy
is supposed to. The hardest part is that
I have the option of scheduling an induction.
I have the option of choosing Fishy’s birthday. I have the option of planning...and I love
planning. I just don’t feel like that’s
God’s plan for us though. Man, I’m
tired. Maybe He’s allowing me the little
“rest” that I’m getting now, because He knows how I simply cannot function
without sleep and it’s only going to be worse in a few days.
Everything is
ready for Fishy…sort of. I’m ready. I’ve planned and gotten prepared at school
and packing my bags and having his stuff set up. We are just kind of “in between” houses right
now. We aren’t moving until this
weekend, which is my prediction for Fishy’s arrival since I will be more than
stressed and I don’t like people to help.
I’ve been told that I can’t do anything, but have to be present. I’m thinking no on that though.
I apologize that
this post has turned in to more of a rant than anything else. There is a spiritual basis to it though. I’ve recognized that God is testing me and I
have to rely fully on Him and trust in His perfect timing. This is just one of those times that I wish
my timing aligned with His a little better.
Keep the prayers
coming! They’re always appreciated!
