So I skipped my
March entry, but not exactly on purpose.
I simply have not opened my computer since my little man got here. I could just look at him and hold him all day
long! Then April came and went…
First, I’ll update
ya on the FishMan. He was born on
February 20th after 11 LONG hours of labor weighing in at 8 lbs 8 oz
(like the “fish” weight reference?) His
name really is Fisher…he’ll go by Graham though. Poor kid is going to have an
identity crisis because I read somewhere that at around six months, babies
start to recognize their names. He has
no idea his name is Graham! We call him
Fishy, FishMan, Fish, FishFin, Little Man, etc.
I told the ladies in the nursery at church that it’s like a dog’s
name. He has a formal, given name and
then he has the fun name we call him.
He’s changed my
world. I’ve always enjoyed working. At one point I think I had four jobs…just
because. I said from the time I found
out I was pregnant that I would be ready to go back to work after being off for
a while so I decided I’d go back the last two weeks of school. Well, we met with his daycare teacher two or
three weeks ago and I immediately started getting anxious. I cried for three days and could feel panic
attacks coming on if I spent too long thinking about leaving him. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to leave him
with anyone. I really don’t have a
problem with that and I don’t think I’m too crazy with instructions when I do
leave him. (At least they say we’re easy at church!) I just couldn’t stand the
thought of not spending all day with him. David and I even made plans to go to
Dreamland for my Mother’s Day lunch and I changed my mind because I didn’t want
to leave him for a whole day. Needless
to say, I was not ready to go back to work and my principal has so graciously
allowed me to stay home these next two weeks.
Who knew I’d ever be one who was asking for more time?
I’ve never wanted
this blog to be about being pregnant and having a baby. I know it’s kind of turned in to that
though. However, the point of this blog
was to share what God is doing in my life and He’s working through my little
fella. With that said, I’ll share what
I’ve learned these last twelve weeks (besides the fact that baby wipes can and
will clean just about anything!)
Around Good
Friday, I read all of the FB posts about being thankful for Christ’s
sacrifice. Not that I’m not, or wasn’t
thankful, I just don’t like to think about it.
When The Passion of the Christ
came out, I was able to “see” what Jesus went through. I was so overcome with guilt because I knew
that He would have endured all of that just for me. When everyone started posting about Christ’s
sacrifice, the guilt came back. I’m sure
it’s not a bad thing and it’s probably more conviction than guilt, but either
way, it’s hard to think that I put
Jesus on that cross. Then came Easter
Sunday. I was up feeding Little Man in
the middle of the night and scanning through FB when I started seeing all of
the “He is Risen” posts. That’s when it
hit me and I spent the next little while crying and praying over Graham. God
sacrificed His Son. His little boy. His perfect
little boy. He created Jesus to take our
sins away through the ultimate sacrifice of painful death. I could not begin to fathom my little fella
enduring any pain, let alone the pain Jesus took on…for me. So God has used my son to help me develop a greater appreciation of what His Son did. Thank you, Jesus, for your love for me. Thank you, God, for giving Him to us.
Finally, this time
last year I was heart broken. My “first”
Mother’s Day. I still don’t like to
think about it, and I didn’t realize it then, but it was a very important
day. That’s the day we prayed Fishy into
existence. (If you’re out of the loop,
read my “Mother’s Day” post from last year.)
That’s the day that we finally completely let God be in control of when
we would have a baby. I am eternally
grateful for the Godly people who prayed for Fishy. He’s already met a few of you and I’ve made
sure I let him know that without you, we wouldn’t have him. Thank you!
So, today, on my
first Mother’s Day with a baby on this earth, all I wanted was to hold my baby
that I prayed so hard to get. After a
busy day (and a couple of missed naps), we cuddled on the couch for a few hours
and I couldn’t have been happier. He’s
the cutest thing on this planet and our cuddle time is the best!
Her children rise up and call her blessed ~
Proverbs 31:28 and blessed
I am!
