Spirit of Fear

I’ve been putting off writing for a while, for several reasons.  I’ve shamefully let my priorities get out of whack, and not allowed myself time to do things that help me grow spiritually.  God, in His mighty ways, has let my sewing machine go haywire, so my plans for this week have changed.  Sometimes it takes Divine Intervention to get your attention!

I’ve also been debating what to write about.  I typically have a plan when I start out, but this time, I’m letting God do His thing…since He knows what’s best anyhow.

Let’s start with a baby update =)  It’s a BOY!!!  No, we do not have a name picked out.  We are praying about it and God will give us a name when He’s ready.  Otherwise, our baby will be “FishFin” and that’s not okay =)

Moving on…I have been blessed to be apart of a Bible Study group for the past six weeks.  The curriculum was highly recommend and was described as “life changing.”  So far, it’s been a great experience.  We have a weekly curriculum to do on our own and we basically just discuss what we learned or what stood out to us when we meet each week.  (This has been the best style of a Bible Study for me, because I hate having to do “homework” and watch a video.  I grow more through the discussion, and I believe it helps the group grow closer together as well.)  The best part about the group is prayer.  Each week, we write prayer requests on a note card (all of which must be about ourselves…not about Grandmaw’s toenail that was infected last week), and we are prayed over individually before we dismiss.  The leaders also pray for us everyday throughout the week.

Man, have I felt the prayers!  I even told them last week that I’m almost scared for the study to end because I don’t want the praying to end.  I just know that when we stop the weekly prayers, Satan is going to jump on our weaknesses and try to bring us down.  God will work it out though.  Anyhow, I think I’m going to write about what God has brought to my attention through this study.

It’s been on my heart since a book study we did at school this summer, that I don’t have much of a servant’s heart.  I would like to have a servant’s heart, but I just don’t do much to serve others.  In fact, I don’t think about it that much.  Being the spoiled middle child, the world revolved around me and I just don’t think about putting others before me.  The book this summer inspired me, as a teacher, to get my students more involved in community service projects.  I am one of four sponsors of the SGA at my school.  Every year, we support a charity in the fall and a different one in the spring.  For the last few years, I’ve been proud of us because we are helping the community.  True, but our kids aren’t getting much out of it.  We have a hat day or another fun fundraiser, and simply donate the money to a charity.  The kids are not getting any hands-on experience with community service.  The more I thought about this, the more it was apparent that this is also true in my personal life.  Even on the church side of things, I’ve always just said, “Let me write a check,” rather than get my hands dirty and physically participate.  I’ve justified this by saying that I feel that God has blessed David and me, financially and that’s our way we can further His Kingdom.  This may be true, but why do I feel so convicted?  I need to step up and do my part in serving others.

I’m working on it, and with the help of my wonderful small group friends, they’ve helped me take advantage of the opportunity of being a servant.  With continued prayer, I have faith that God will soften my heart and help me see others as more important than me.  I have a feeling Fishy is going to help with this too =)

Another thing God is working on in me is not having a spirit of fear.  I am a natural worrier.  I worry about EVERYthing.  After hearing friends talk about having the “baby blues” after they’ve had babies, I’ve been anxious about being anxious!  It’s quite ridiculous, but anxiety runs in my family.  In the last few years, I’ve learned to handle anxiety a lot better.  Usually, my body would go out of whack either with migraines, chest pains, heart palpitations or some other ridiculous health problem.  After a few trips to the doctor and them being very quick to prescribe medicine (medicine that made me go CRAZY…so says my husband), I’ve learned how to better deal with stress.  Most of the time, I recognize when I’m about to have a panic attack or migraine or some other strange thing, and I “talk myself out of it.”  I’ve learned to redirect my thoughts and spend a little time in prayer, because I’m usually stressing about stuff I can’t control anyhow. 

Well, with baby, comes new stress.  About a week before every doctor’s appointment so far, I have physically made myself sick with worry.  I don’t want anything to be wrong. I want good news. I always expect the worst.  I’ve had to be reminded several times, that this baby is part of God’s glorious plan.  It was His Will that I be pregnant right now, and His hands are working perfectly and magnificently in forming every part of my baby.  Part of my prayer requests each week has been that I can relax and just enjoy being pregnant.  My mind has been transformed as I’ve learned that God did not give me a spirit of fear.  Fear does not come from the Lord.  Instead, He wants me to cast all [my] anxiety on Him because He cares for [me] ~ 1 Peter 5:7.  

Pregnancy hormones have made me completely CRAZY!  David has been out of the country for work and normally, I’d be a nervous wreck…without being pregnant.  Add hormones and you’d think I would lose my mind.  To top it all off, we may be homeless pretty soon and have NO IDEA where we’d like to move. Thanks to a lot of prayer and a transformed mind, I’m actually handling everything quite well.  1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds me that God is in control and will not give me more than He knows I can handle.  Being afraid and anxious does not come from above.  They are Satan’s way of getting control over me and trying to get me to doubt my faith.   The only thing that will happen if I surrender to the anxiety is I will become overwhelmed and cry…which won’t change anything…and we all know how I feel about crying =)

God has really done a work in me during these last few weeks.  No, I’ve not been moved from a dark, depressed place into the Hands of God…I’ve been there, done that.  Instead, God has matured me.  I look at things differently now and am trying my hardest to live a life that is pleasing to Him.

My prayer for you is that you will not have a spirit of fear and know that He wants you to trust Him with your anxieties, having faith that He will bring you through. 

Do it for Him

I just wanted to share something that I heard on the radio the other day and can’t seem to get off my mind.  On WDJC during the “Nine O’Clock Nugget,” there was a pastor on who was talking about getting to Heaven and asking Abraham what it was like to be a Christian during the time when you could hear God speak to you.  He said he’d imagine that Abraham would say it was good to be a Christian then because you knew what God wanted you to do, but he thought that Abraham would also say it was hard.  There were years when God went without directly speaking to Abraham (I’ve never thought about this because I guess we focus mainly on the times when we know God spoke).  Today, thanks to God’s ultimate sacrifice, we are able to hear from Him daily through the Holy Spirit.  Living in a fast paced society and being used to getting everything immediately, makes having the Holy Spirit inside of you (for lack of a better word) “convenient,” because we are able to constantly speak to Him, ask for guidance, and a quick “sign” here and there when we need to make a quick decision. 

However, it works the other way too.  When we fall short of the glory of God ~ Romans 3:23, the Holy Spirit is in place to let you know it!  I’ve said many times before, that I have a very guilty conscience.  I can’t even tell a joke that includes exaggeration before I start feeling guilty!  Even so, I’m glad that the Holy Spirit is in place so that I immediately know (sometimes before I even do things), when I have let down my Savior.  He made the ultimate sacrifice for me.  The least I can do is listen to His Holy Presence and strive to please Him in everything I do. 

The sermon a few weeks ago had us reflecting on why we do things.  Do we do things for ourselves? our spouses? Do we work hard to please our boss?  Do we do things for earthly recognition or desires?  Instead, Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God ~ 1 Corinthians 10:31.  No matter how badly we don’t want to do it, He wants our best, always.  The VERY least we can do is give Him our best.  Colossians 3:17 adds a bit to the 1 Corinthians verse that I think should not go without mentioning: And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father.  We should never forget to give thanks!  Even for the stinky things because without Him, we would have nothing. 

I need to constantly remind myself to give thanks during the stinky stuff since I can tend to throw a fit here and there.  We’ve decided to put our house up for sale and in just 2 weeks’ time, we’ve already had 2 families interested.  One of those families had an appointment to come look at the house Saturday around lunch.  We took the dog and ran some errands so that strangers could go through my things (this is what I imagine happens when I have strange people in my house) and got back around 1:00.  We turned on the Georgia game that we had missed while running away from our house, and started to get in an afternoon nap before the Alabama game that evening.  Right around 2:00, the doorbell rings and it’s the realtor and the couple who were supposed to be there at 12:00!  I was so ill!  I wanted to sell my house, but I really wanted to tell those people that they had already missed their appointment and should come back another time (that probably wouldn’t have been a great sales pitch).  So I huff and puff and start throwing a fit while I put decent clothes on and try to pick up some of the things we had just brought out of hiding.  We grab the dog and head for the truck only to find that we are blocked in!  The fit just gets worse.  I totally forget that God is giving us the opportunity of showing the house to a potential buyer.  I totally forget that God has given us a truck that has air that we can sit in while we wait for the strangers to leave our house.  I totally forget the “whatever you do or say” part of Colossians.

Now that the Holy Spirit has convicted me of my fit pitching (although it’s taken me 3 days to realize it), I want to give thanks to Him now…for all of the many blessings He has poured out on us.  Thank you Jesus, for loving me the way I am…fit pitching and all!

My prayer for you is that whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father

Fathers' Day

I suppose I’ve taken a “vacation” from blogging since I’ve been out of school this summer, but really, I’ve just been waiting for this entry.  I feel like since I posted about Mothers’ Day, it’s only appropriate to write about our Fathers’ Day this year.

I think I got over the whole “woe is me” way of thinking by the time Fathers’ Day came around, but then again, Fathers’ Day wasn’t about me.  I’d come to terms with the fact that when the Lord decided to bless us with a baby, He’d do it and there was nothing I could do to speed up the process.  I didn’t want to spend my summer stressed out about things I had no control over, so I kinda just decided to enjoy my summer and let things happen in God’s perfect timing.  Fathers’ Day came around and much like the morning of Mothers’ Day, it didn’t feel any different than any other day.  Father’s Day is never made as big of a deal as Mothers’ Day, and David is a very unemotional fella, so we just went about our day as usual.  After church, we ate lunch with friends who had recently found out they were expecting their third child, and then we went home to enjoy our Sunday afternoon nap.  When we got home, since babies were on my mind, I reluctantly checked my calendar that I hadn’t even glanced at since school let out.  I decided I should take a pregnancy test.  Positive!  I couldn’t believe it!  I didn’t believe it!  I showed David and I don’t think he believed it either.   I didn’t even make a doctor’s appointment until later in the week, because I just knew the test was wrong.  I was in total denial for a couple of weeks.  We decided we didn’t want to tell anyone for a few weeks, just so we wouldn’t have to get their hopes up and then have to deliver bad news.  We had an ultra sound at 6 ½ weeks and David immediately noticed it was a lot bigger than during the last pregnancy (I’m not sure if that had anything to do with it or not.  He was probably just reaching for an explanation and a way to pull me out of denial). 

I was never sick with the last pregnancy, so when the nausea set in, I was thrilled…until I felt like I was about to die!  I’d pray I’d feel better, and when God would answer that prayer, I’d pray I’d get sick just so I ‘d know everything was okay.  Since I was a nervous wreck, and still in disbelief, I asked if I could come back for another ultrasound at 8 weeks.  The 8 week ultrasound went great.  The baby still looked like a blob, but it was still there and still had a heartbeat.  It was time to share our good news (which I was still very reluctant about because up until this point, I hadn’t really let myself get excited…just in case).  Of course, everyone was excited, but I was waiting for my next appointment.  The doctor agreed to another ultrasound at 11 weeks for peace of mind.  (The weeks before my appointments are terrible!  I make myself so sick with nerves until I get confirmation that we’re okay.)  We went for the 11 week ultrasound Monday, and I couldn’t believe how big the baby is!  Normally, since the baby looks like blobs on the screen, I just look for the heartbeat and then I’m good.  This time though, I could have watched it all day.  First of all, I had no idea it’d actually look like a baby already!  It had arms and legs and was flapping them both.  One time, the doctor poked my belly and it jumped! (Qt least it looked like a jump.)  Now, it’s real.  Now, I’m excited.  I’ve started looking at baby stuff and reading the pregnancy books (which are really gross by the way).  I’ve got a list of items to applique or make as soon as we find out whether it’s a boy or a girl (first week of October).  I’m actually kinda dreading that though, because coming up with names will be an all-out battle…so we’re just not talking about that right now =) 

We are finally excited about our new adventure.  It seems that my nausea has subsided a little this week and I hope it’s completely gone by the start of school (or at least be at a functional level).  It took me a while to completely give God control and have complete faith in His plans, but once I got there, boy have the blessings poured down!  As I’ve said, I was a little apprehensive for a couple of months, just waiting for something bad to happen.  My prayer for these few months has been that my faith would be strengthened so I could enjoy our newest blessing.  It’s been a gradual process, because of my eternal pessimistic attitude, but thank goodness for ultrasounds!  Now that I have seen what I called my “see through” baby (because we could see the heartbeat), my faith is at full force. 

David and I sincerely thank you for all of the prayers and will appreciate any more you’d like to throw out!  Thank you Lord, for our blessings and Your patience as we’ve struggled this last year.  Your timing is perfect and we are grateful that You chose to love us.  You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it~Matthew 21:22.

Gotta Have Faith

I know it’s been a while.  When I started this blog in January, I committed to writing about what God is doing in my life.  I don’t want to write about random things that are happening.  That’s not what this blog is about.  God led me to this blog and I promised to follow Him.  So, knowing this, and being very convicted by this, I’ve been putting off blogging.  Not because God isn’t working in my life, because as long as we allow Him to, He will work miracles, but because I’ve not wanted to share what’s been going on.  (I feel like I’m just beating a dead horse.) Well, as believers, we all know that if we keep putting off God’s plan, He will slap you in the face with something to get your attention.  I praise Him for it!

I don’t like to cry.  This hasn’t always been the case, because I’ve been known to make myself cry at the drop of a hat to get my way.  Not anymore though.  I’ve cried so much this last year that I feel like I’ve cried enough for a life time.  So, I guess I’ve “sworn off” crying.  This is where God first got my attention (although I still don’t like to cry and have declared that “crying is for sissies”). The morning of Mothers’ Day, David and I got up, got ready, and went to church.  I knew it was Mothers’ Day, but since I’m not close to my mother and David’s lives in GA, we didn’t have any plans so it was just a normal Sunday morning to me…so I thought.  When we walked into the sanctuary I noticed the flowers that are traditionally given to all the mothers in attendance.  At that moment I thought, “This is going to suck.”  I made it through the little video that was shown about celebrating mothers.  I even pretty much made it through the passing out of flowers.  Then, I started feeling the urge to cry.  Since I’ve sworn off crying, I tried to distract myself and just make it through the service hoping the feeling would pass.  I knew that if someone said something to me or hugged me, or really even just smiled at me, I’d fall apart.  Let me back up a few steps though.  For a few days before, my allergies had been acting up and I couldn’t get my nose to stop running.  Naturally, during church, there’s a good bit of praying so my head was down a lot.  When my head was down, my nose started dripping.  I looked around the altar to see if there was a box of Kleenex and didn’t see anything.  I knew that if I were to get up during the service, someone would think (or at least I felt this way) that I couldn’t handle a Mothers’ Day service, so I just kept wiping with my hand (yes, gross, but what was I to do?).  A lady, who is very dear to David and me, sitting a few rows behind us noticed my wiping and sent me some tissue.  The service went on and I continued to distract myself, all the while still feeling like I could cry (ladies, I’m sure you all know this feeling).  I just wanted to get out of the church.  Well, during the invitation, this sweet lady approached David and me and asked if I was crying because I wanted to be a mother.  Let the water works begin….That’s all I needed.  No, I wasn’t crying, and no, I wasn’t even really thinking about wanting to be a mother, but I was thinking that had everything gone according to my plans this year, I would have been celebrating my first Mothers’ Day as a mother myself.  I just sobbed in her arms as she prayed for David and me.  I don’t think I even realized how much I am still affected by everything.

Like I said before, I feel like I’m beating a dead horse by continuing to post about this (which is part of the reason why I’ve been putting off updating).  I can’t help what God is telling me to do though.  We are coming up on a year since the miscarriage.  I’m still not pregnant and I’m starting to get pretty discouraged.  This is where God got my attention yet again….

My ignorance and earthly desires have been an issue lately.  I’ve given my desires to the Lord and have prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed.  I’ve been doing my very best to “act right” even though I know that’s not how Christianity works (doesn’t hurt to be on your best behavior though).  I still don’t have what I want.  I understand God has His own perfect timing and when that time does come, it will indeed be perfect.  The waiting on that timing is the sucky part though.  So, since I haven’t gotten my way according to my timing, I decided it was time for me to take control (this is the ignorance part).  Duh…nothing will ever happen if God does not want it to happen.  No matter what I do, I can’t change His plans.  Why can’t I get that through my very thick, stubborn head?!  I really should just stop writing there because I know my faults and know how to fix them…but am I willing? 

The Sunday school lesson and the sermon went hand-in-hand today.  They both were about (or at least the part I got from them) what’s holding you back from having complete Faith in the Lord?  Mike had us write it down on a card and place it on the altar.  I wrote selfishness.  I really do struggle with acting like the world revolves around me, but that’s not what is keeping me from trusting wholly in the Lord.  This is the first thing in my life that I cannot control.  That’s what’s killing me.  I can’t control something and I am trying everything in the world to figure out how I can.  This is the first time when I really, truly, have to have Faith.  I have to believe that God will give me the desires of my heart.  I have to trust that His Will really is perfect.  I have to know that God truly is enough for me.

During difficult or trying times in life, we’ve all had someone tell us that we “just have to have faith.”  Fine.  How do we get there?  Believing in Jesus Christ and knowing He died for us is not enough.  That does not give you Faith.  We tried to define Faith in Sunday school this morning.  I believe that Faith is accepting what you cannot see and do not fully understand.  So, how do you get Faith?  I may be wrong about this, so please, send your feedback if you disagree (I’m always interested in your thoughts), but I think Faith comes through prayer.  Prayer comes from a relationship with the Father.  In summation, I think that Faith is accepting what you do not fully understand (at this moment, I do not fully understand God’s plan for my life).  Faith develops through prayer (I pray that God will reveal His plan to me, and give me the Faith I need to accept what I do not understand about His plan).  Finally, a true prayer life is talking with the Father daily…having a relationship with Him.  Asking for your needs and desires and listening to His response, however He wishes to reveal it.  I think that’s my problem.  I’m not willing to listen.  Here comes that selfishness again.  I’m willing to talk and ask and me, me, me, me, me, but I can’t wait on His response; especially if it’s not what I want it to be. 

Goodness, I shouldn’t put off writing.  This is not how I intended this post to turn out either…that’s the good Lord for ya!  He’s so amazing.  (Why can’t I let Him be in control of my entire life, not just my blog?  He’s already proven He’ll take care of EVERYthing!  Man, I’ve got some work to do!)

My prayer is that I will follow the cliché: let go and let God.  There’s so much truth to that.  God’s word says Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you ~ 1 Peter 5:7. 

I pray that I will relinquish control to the Almighty Creator, because His plan is perfect.  I love this verse…It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. ~ Deuteronomy 31:8 I also pray that you will have Faith in the Holy One.  Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-8

Be Content

ARMT+ is over…the car show is over…and I’m back to blogging.  I’ve missed writing.  I feel like I’ve let life get in the way and take up too much of my time. 

I’ve had several books to read lately, and finally got around to starting the Courageous book.  I need to really emphasize “starting” because I haven’t gotten very far.  I’ve always enjoyed Pricilla Shirer and I think I’ll like this book too - especially the part where she says that I can take my time to complete the book.  I don’t have any deadlines.  I just have to take time and let God to His thing. 

Since I let life get in the way of my focus again,  the “woe is me” attitude started to come back.  Why do my plans never happen?  Why can’t people do things right so I don’t have to fix them? Why do I have so much going on?  Why can what I want, not happen?  Why can’t the earth spin a little slower so I’ll have more hours in the day? Blah blah blah blah blah.  My eyes were opened once again at how self righteous I am when I took a spiritual gifts test in Sunday School a few weeks ago.  I answered each question honestly and saw how incredibly selfish and judgmental I am.  I’m trying to work on those flaws, but I have SO MANY, it’s going to take some time.  (I’ve actually been trying to delegate and let go of some of my control issues.  However, I’ve realized that delegating stresses me out.)

Anyway, I picked up the Courageous book the other night and PS writes about how for most of her life, she wanted something else.  She never could be content with what she had and where she was at the moment.  I can totally relate to this.  I always want more…a new house, new clothes, another degree, a baby, more toys, more trips, bigger and better everything.  I never slow down and think, “Well, what’s wrong with what I’ve already got?”  It seems like I always want, want, want, want, want, and never appreciate the life I have.  Now, I do thank God, daily, for the many blessings I’m not even worthy of having.  However, no matter how grateful I am of those things, they’re apparently still not enough to satisfy me.  I haven’t read any more of the book, because I am trying to constantly remind myself to be content.  I am already blessed far beyond what I ever imagined for myself.  I just need to appreciate life and stop wanting more.  God will give me what He wants and when He wants to.  I am looking forward to diving into the Bible study.  I intended to do it with the church ladies, but I think I’m going to like doing it on my own and at my own pace.  Hopefully, it will continue to inspire me to blog and I’ll update more often.

My prayer for you is that you can be content with what you have and where you are in life…enjoy life while you can!

Philippians 4:11 ~ Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have.

Philippians 4:6-7 ~ Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.

Ecclesiastes  7:14 ~ Enjoy prosperity while you can, but when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. Remember that nothing is certain in this life.

Redneck Theology

This is such a busy time of year for me, so I apologize if I don’t update regularly.  My main focus is ARMT+ until mid-April!

I’ve had a few things bouncing around in my head that I’ve wanted to share.  I honestly don’t think I’ve slowed down enough to hear God lately.  Even through everything that’s happened I still get caught up in earthly things that won’t even matter in Heaven.  I am so ashamed of my priorities.  I let God down daily, yet He still loves me and forgives me.  Praise the Lord that one day, there will be no more distractions and eternity will be spent singing His Praises!

One thing that I can’t really wrap my head around is earthly perfection vs. Heavenly perfection.  God’s word commands us to live as Christ did~1 John 2:6 and to have the same attitude as Christ~Philippians 2:5. Jesus was perfect.  We all know that.  Well, if we are commanded to live as He did, then we are commanded to live perfect lives.  Obviously, we live in a fallen creation, so there is no such thing as perfection.  So why try to do something that you know you will never accomplish? The answer to that question is we strive for perfection on Earth so we will gain Heavenly perfection.  Notice I didn’t say that by striving for earthly perfection we gain Heavenly perfection.  My interpretation of perfection on earth and earthly perfection is different. To me, earthly perfection is what we, as a fallen creation, do strive for.  This is perfection in everything we’re involved. I struggle with this daily.  I am a perfectionist in most areas and must have control in all areas.  If my name is tied to something, I want it to be perfect.  This behavior will obviously not earn us Heavenly perfection because it is human-centered and selfish.  However, I don’t think that striving for earthly perfection is always negative.  God wants us to take pride in the things we do.  He wants us to do well and be successful (our definitions of successful may vary though).  Earthly perfection becomes harmful when we begin to strive for perfection on our own, without consulting God and asking for His guidance. 

I believe (or at least my mind makes sense of it this way) that striving for perfection on earth is what God has commanded us.  This is where we live as Christ lived.  This is where we go and make disciples of all nations~Matthew 28:19. This is where we must be holy because [He] is Holy~1 Peter 1:16.  No, we will never achieve perfection here on Earth, but we can and must strive for that perfection we will only gain once we get to Heaven.  I think about this a lot.  I know that once I accepted Jesus as my Savior, I was forgiven.  I understand His grace and mercy as much as I believe someone can understand it on Earth.  Yet, I think about one day becoming Christ-like in Heaven.  I think about how unworthy I am and how much of a sinner I am.  I wonder why God loves me so much and why He chose me.  I wonder why He would want to spend eternity with me.  Why does He, the perfect, holy, just, God of all creation, want a relationship with me?  Simple. God doesn’t want a relationship with me because of who I am.  He wants a relationship with me because of who He is.  He is the God of all creation.  All things were created for Him and by Him~Colossians 1:16. He wants a relationship with me because of Him. 

Now that my redneck theology has probably confused you, read the following scripture: 1 John 3:1-3 ~ How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know Him. Dear friends, now we are children of God, and what we will be has not yet been made known. But we know that when [Jesus] appears, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is. Everyone who has this hope in Him purifies himself, just as He is pure.

How great is His love!  He wants us to be His children!  We are that special to Him and we didn’t even have to do anything!  Doesn’t that make you want to do something in return, though?  This alone makes me want to sing His praises and let Him know how grateful I am for His love.  What we will be has not yet been made known.  Heavenly perfection will be revealed to us one day.  Praise the Lord!

My prayer is that during this busy time of year, we will all find time to thank Him and listen to Him.  He loves us enough to want us as His children.

Psalm 113

I am so blessed to be surrounded by Christians at work.  Of course I don’t like to get up in the mornings, because I LOVE my sleep, but I never dread going to work.  God has truly blessed me with a job I love and people I love to work with (who also make it easy to go to work).  Last week, a coworker stopped me and told me to read all of Psalm 113, but that the last verse was for me.  First of all, how blessed am I to have someone think about me when they read their Bible?  Secondly, the Lord used her to get my day started right.  How can I have a bad day when I’m surrounded by God’s children who follow His direction when He leads them to share scripture, pray with/for one another, and simply have conversation about Him?  Praise the Lord for where He’s placed me!

Psalm 113 ~ Praise the Lord, you His servants; praise the name of the Lord.  Let the name of the Lord be praised, both now and forevermore.  From the rising of the sun to the place where it sets, the name of the Lord is to be praised.  The Lord is exalted over all the nations, His glory above the Heavens.  Who is like the Lord our God, the One who sits enthroned on high, who stoops down to look on the Heavens and the earth?  He raised the poor from the dust and lifts the needy from the ash heap; He seats them with princes, with the princes of His people.  He settles the childless woman in her home as a happy mother of children.  Praise the Lord!

Talk about hearing from the mouth of God!  This knocked me right in my face and made me give thanks and praises to Him.  I whole-heartedly believe that this was the Lord’s way of sending me one more reminder that He is in control and that I should seek His will always.  God sends us comfort in simple things like when a coworker shares scripture or a friend whispers that she’s been praying for you.  My prayer lately has been that God will be glorified in any circumstance, good or bad.  He is so good to me and these reminders make me want to do good work for His Kingdom even more than I already did.  All I can say to this is, “Praise God!”

My prayer is that you will see God’s glory in any situation, good or bad.

Aibileen Clark

I’ve always wanted to be a prayer warrior, but have never felt like I qualify.  I try to make it a point to actually pray for people if I ever tell them, “I’m praying for you.”  I think, as Christians, we sometimes let that phrase become a standard way of letting people know we care about them…without actually following through with the promise.  Much like: “Hey, how are you?”  Most of the time we don’t really care how people are, nor do we respond with how we really feel when asked, ourselves.  I know, in my life, “I’m praying for you” has often become one of these standard phrases to say to people.   I know many people, though, who I can count on their prayers if they say they are going to pray for me.  I try to make a point of saying at least one prayer for the person I’ve promised to pray…I just hope to get to the “prayer warrior” level someday.  I want people to count on my prayers. 

In, The Help, Aibileen is one of these people.  Her friends ask her to pray for them because they think her prayers go straight to the ears of God…of course all of our prayers do.  I think the difference in Aibileen’s prayers and my prayers is that Aibileen prays with all of her heart.  She has a humble heart and wants God’s Will to be done.  She also prays expecting. 

I often get distracted when praying and don’t finish the prayer.  Or, sometimes I may just not know what to pray.  I’m working on these things though.  I was really excited when we started a new Bible study at church called Lord, Teach me to Pray.  Unfortunately, it’s a Kay Arthur study.  She seems to be a wonderful lady and a very strong and passionate Christian…I just can’t relate to her so I’m not really digging the study.  I know how to pray and I truly like praying.  God’s word says to Pray without ceasing ~ 1 Thessalonians 5:17.  I personally like the NIV translation: Pray continually.  (Again, it’s a relation thing, because I rarely use the word “ceasing.”) I like to think I pray continually.  When I was in the youth department, we talked about having a continuous conversation with God.  I talk to Him all day.  Instead of “counting to 10” in a frustrating moment, I talk to God.  When I’m reminded of His magnificence, I thank Him.  When I am sad, or mad, or bored, I don’t have any problem turning to Him for a little conversation.  Praise God for that…my prayers just tend to be on the selfish side, thus making me fall short of “prayer warrior” status. 

MercyMe has a song called “If I could Just Sit with You a While”.  I like to spend a lot of my prayer time just sitting with God and being in His presence.  I am in total awe of Him (If you have never heard that song or don’t have it on your iPod…get it!  It’s helped me when I don’t know what to pray, when I’m sad, or just need a Heavenly Hug.)

I have found that when I make time for my conversation with the Lord, and ask things for other people, my prayers are more heart-felt and true.  I feel like God is more willing to answer my prayers for other people than the same ole selfish prayers I throw at Him all the time. 

I’m also so amazed (and why am I ever amazed by His power?) at the outcome when I pray expectantly and confidently.  When I put my whole heart and faith in a prayer, I know it will be answered.  This is where I struggle though.  I tend to pray “expecting” a pair of Jimmy Choos (not really, but you get the idea) and other selfish, earthly prayers.  1 John 5:14-15 ~ This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to His Will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of Him.  The key here is “according to His Will”.  I love being in His Will and am excited to see Him working in my life and using me for His Kingdom, but continuously praying for His Will gets tough.  Obviously, I want what He wants for me…and I’ll be happier with it, but when it comes to asking for His Will to be done, no matter what my earthly will may be, takes faith.  Perhaps I need to work on strengthening my faith (your prayers would be GREATLY appreciated). I posted a few weeks ago about praying for His Will to be done…no matter what and I think that still gets me.  Satan knows what I want and knows that by making me dwell on those things, I am distancing myself from what God wants.  I need to continue to have faith that God’s Will is enough.  No matter what this earthly life throws at me…God is enough.  He loves me enough.  1 John 2:17 ~ And the world and its desires are fading away, but the person who does God's will remains forever.  Hallelujah for eternal life with God!

My prayer for us is that we will have enough faith in our Father to pray like Aibileen.

What did you do?

Everywhere I turn lately, I hear God asking, “What did you do with what I gave you?”  He is obviously trying to get my attention!  I first heard this a few weeks ago from a Tuskegee Airman on Rick and Bubba.  He was on there talking about the new movie about the TA and he revealed the similarities and differences between the movie and real life.  One of the stories he told was about the way he, as a black man, was treated during his time as a TA.  This was before the Civil Rights Movement, before MLK, before integration.  He was part of the group that integrated the U.S. Military.  His recounts revealed his positive attitude during a difficult time in the world.  He said that he has had a positive attitude no matter what has been thrown at him in life, because he wants to be able to answer God proudly when He asks, “What did you do with what I gave you?”  The TA said he could answer with (something along these lines), “Well God, I was a black man in the south, during a really hard time…” only to have God reply, “I know. I put you there.  What did you do?”  This man has plenty of excuses, yet he has chosen to live his life for the Lord no matter the circumstances.  I have done plenty of things of which I’m ashamed and hope that God doesn’t bring up when I stand before Him.  However, Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.  It’s what we do with those plans and how we react to them that can bring Him glory.  Even if we mess up along the way…no matter how great, we can still glorify the Lord.  Our actions and attitude will determine if He gets the glory.

David and I are behind on movies and finally watched Facing the Giants this weekend.  The coach told his players that their attitudes are the “aromas of their hearts.”  If their attitudes stunk, then their hearts stunk.  This first reminded me of Matthew 12:34 ~ For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks, but it also fits with the question we will all be asked one day.  If you have a humble, Godly attitude no matter the circumstance, God gets the glory! 

Mike mentioned a quote Sunday that says, “Blessings and talents are God’s gifts to us.  What we do with them are our gifts to God.”  God obviously wants me to think about this lately and He’s given me situations so I can apply it.  Thankfully, they’ve been small situations where I think about biting my tongue before I say something or jumping on an opportunity when I feel Him leading me.   I want Him to get the glory in all of my actions. 

My prayer for you is that you will glorify God in all that you do.

...No Matter What

Two topics have been weighing on my heart and mind lately.  They, of course, came from Crazy Love, but they’re worth the time to think about.

The first is about “the golden rule.”  Matthew 7:12 says: So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.  The first time I heard this was in my third and fourth grade Sunday School class.  We were to recite “the golden rule” before we left class.  Since I only went to Sunday School sporadically, I didn’t have a clue what “the golden rule” was!  I sank back toward the middle of the line hoping I would overhear someone and would be able to copy what they said.  I don’t remember if I said it correctly or not, but I do remember somehow actually seeing the look of embarrassment on my own face when it was my turn.  I also learned that if I were to ever teach a Sunday School class, I would first review what I wanted the kids to know, before just telling them to do it.  (I’m sure the teacher went over this every Sunday, but since I wasn’t there every Sunday, I was lost! - Also, I have had the opportunity to teach Sunday School and learned very quickly it was not for me.  If you’ve ever been exposed to my teaching methods you’ve seen that I am a stickler for rules and discipline.  Sunday School behavior would never fly in my classroom.)

Francis Chan puts a different spin on “the golden rule.”  Rather than treat everyone as you want to be treated, he asks the question of how life would change if we thought of everyone we came into contact with as Christ?  FC uses the example of the person driving painfully slow in front of you on the interstate when you need to be somewhere.  Since I’ve become a teacher and have seen what actually happens in people’s lives, I do try to consider what frustrating people may be going through that I may not know.  I’ve never looked at them as Christ though.  For the last few weeks, I’ve tried this.  This has, for the most part, simply served as a reminder to me that my attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus ~ Philippians2:5  and it’s kept me from getting as irritated at people as normal.  I’ve “practiced” this most on David.  One thing I’ve made it a point to do is to try to make sure there is a towel already hanging on the hook outside the shower.  This isn’t much of an effort, and not the only thing I do, but it’s something I make a point to do since I am NOT a morning person and do NOT want to go out of my way to do something for someone else while I’m tired.  When I grab my towel, I go ahead and get one for him too, because if Jesus were staying at my house, I’d surely go out of my way for Him!  Sometimes thinking of everyone as Christ has not been easy because I’d like to think that Christ wouldn’t be as frustrating as some people!  Then I think that I don’t know what they’re going through or what’s in their heart and the least I could do is have a Christ-like attitude toward them.  In reality though, this challenge has changed my thinking and attitude as a whole…not just toward frustrating people.  I’m not as nit-picky about things like usual and I’d like to think my overall attitude has become more positive…because God is enough.  Thinking about others as Christ has definitely helped lower my stress level!  If nothing else, it gets me thinking about Christ in a wearisome moment and then I cast all [my] anxiety on Him because He cares for [me] ~ 1 Peter 5:7. 

The next topic is a little heavier than a simple attitude change toward others.  It goes back to wanting and praying for God’s Will to be done despite what I want or my level of comfort.  His Will always wins, remember…Praise God for that!

FC wrote a section about risk takers for the Lord.  Besides roller coasters and scary movies, I’m not much of a risk taker.  I’m extremely uncomfortable with change and I love a good itinerary.  I like to know the most likely outcome before jumping into anything; therefore, I’m not much of a risk taker.  However spiritually, I’m working on this (and I guess it kind of rolls over into everything else).  In previous posts I’ve written about surrendering my whole life to the Lord.  Not just the pieces I’m comfortable giving to Him, but my WHOLE life.  Once I “let go and let God,” so much has changed!  That’s why I’m struggling with the next challenge from FC.  I’m a worrier and it takes a lot for me to follow 1 Peter 5:7.  It takes a constant reminder that God is in control and will take care of everything…according to His Will.  In his risk takers section, FC writes about how we tend to pray for safety during a trip.  David travels a lot…I worry.  He loves to fly…I’m TERRIFIED of flying. God is in control.  FC asks, “Would you be willing to pray this prayer? God, bring me closer to You during this trip, whatever it takes…”  I always pray for David to have a safe return.  Honestly, I probably pray more when David is traveling than any other time.  He’s in the middle of several trips to OH and I’m struggling to be able to pray that prayer.  I don’t know if I want to pray that prayer.  Of course I know that God is in control.  Of course I want to be drawn closer to the Lord with every breath.  Of course I know Christians grow spiritually during devastating times in life…that’s the whole purpose of my blog.  However, this prayer, or a similar one, makes me feel like I’m giving God the okay to allow something devastating to happen.  Duh…God’s Will is almighty and He knows what He’s doing and the end result.  I will grow closer to Him no matter what happens in my life because I know these things and I have learned the hard way that I cannot handle life on my own.  I know He doesn’t look for my permission or approval…it’s definitely the other way around, but that’s what I feel like I’m doing if I verbalize that prayer. 

Maybe some of you aren’t as scared of flying as I am or have an easier time praying this prayer during travel.  So, could you pray this during a tornado?  Heavy, right?  For those of you who don’t know much about me, I’m from Hueytown.  My grandparents are from Concord, my sister lives in Oak Grove, my daddy used to live in Pleasant Grove, and in less than a year, all have been affected by tornadoes.  First of all, growing up in Hueytown has made me pretty fascinated by storms.  We are the family that stands out on the front porch while James Spann is in the background telling us to hunker down.  Unfortunately, because of all of all of the storms in the area, James is pretty much able to tell exactly which houses need to hunker down.  In 1998, tornadoes became real to me when an F4 wiped out OG.  You always hear that they won’t hit the same place twice (I’d bet the city of Cullman would disagree since they were hit by I think 3 in one day), but in April an EF3 took out Concord and PG.  Both of my grandmothers’ houses were effected in Concord, one only losing power when the other gained a tree and was later torn down.  The church I grew up in blew away along with the house in PG that my daddy had moved out of only a month before.  Still, everyone was very fortunate. Hearing “houses in Hueytown are leveled” on the radio and all the phone lines down made me not so fascinated with storms anymore.  Then, three days ago an EF2 took out an area close to my sister’s house in OG.  (Never hitting the same spot?  How about dancing all around it?)  During the next tornado, can you pray to be drawn closer to the Lord…no matter what?  I don’t know if I can do it.  I have faith in the Lord and know without doubt that He is enough and He is almighty, but can I actually pray for the “no matter what”?  Jeremiah 29:11 ~ For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

My prayer for us is that we can whole-heartedly ask God to draw us closer to Him…no matter what.

New Direction

I have been so excited to hear from everyone who has read my blog.  I’ve had so many good conversations about it that have led to praising the Lord!  I don’t know why I’m ever surprised by His works, because He is almighty and perfect; but I’m blown away just the same.  I am just amazed at how happy and confident I am when I’m in His will.  It makes me want to kick myself for all the times I’ve wasted trying to do my thing, when if I would just give in, I’d be 1000 times happier with Him…as I am now. 

The teacher in me wants to first apologize for all of the typos in my first post!  As I read your comments this week, I went back and re-read what I’ve written so far and was so embarrassed at all of the errors!  I did proof read, but I guess that entry was a little too emotional to catch errors.

With that said, I can now write about what’s happened since Wednesday.  I’d posted a few entries before I shared the blog because I wasn’t quite ready to share.  From the get go, though, I knew that God wanted me to make it public…it just wasn’t the right time yet.  Wednesday came around and I was so excited.  I knew Tuesday night that Wednesday was the day to share it with you.  I wanted to let David read it first, since he didn’t even know I was writing, and then get his blessing to share it with everyone.  He hopped right on board and I had it ready so I could link it on FB through my phone.  I never imagined so many people would read it.  I really thought only my family and a few people I talk to regularly would check it out…once, but then the comments started rolling in.  People were letting me know they were thinking about me and saying prayers.  Others shared their testimonies or similar stories, while others simply praised the Lord!

I have become painfully shy since I’ve been married.  I think this is because when we moved, I had to make friends -  which is something I’d never really had to do.  I didn’t have to make friends in H’town…they were just there from the beginning.  When David and I got married, he’d lived out here for a year and had already made a few friends.  I was completely reliant on him since I didn’t know anyone.  Since then, I’ve found it very hard to open up to people; therefore making it hard to make friends.  I keep to myself and rarely tell people what’s going on in my life.  I know this has earned me the impression that I’m stuck up…which is probably true to a degree, but the truth is I’m just too shy to talk to people!  When God sent the blog idea to my, I tried to talk myself out of it.  I felt that if I wanted people to know something, I’d tell them.  More importantly though, God wants people to know and He’s allowing me to open up through blogging.  I want to say, “Praise the Lord!  At least He’s letting me write instead of talk,” but the blog is just opening the door to those conversations.  The ones I’ve always found quite uncomfortable.  Luckily, I’ve got God on my side and since it’s what He wants me to do…those conversations have not been uncomfortable at all!  Instead, I’ve been excited to share with people and find out how God’s words have impacted them. Now I can say, “Praise the Lord!”

As I re-read my first few entries, I was blown away at my growth since the first one.  I’ve not had a “woe is me” moment or questioned what I’m doing since I began this new journey.  I keep reminding myself that God is ALL I need - If I get discouraged, or frustrated, or start to complain.

I am excited to know that I am doing exactly what He has asked of me.  I have known for several months that there were pieces of my life that I needed to turn over to Him, but I didn’t want my plans to not work out.  As I said in a previous post…God’s plan will always win.  Once I realized this, and allowed myself to give into what I knew I had to do, I was overwhelmed with peace.  In Crazy Love, Frances Chan writes about a time during seminary when his professor asked the class what, in their lives, required complete faith.  FC said at that time, there wasn’t anything.  He felt like if he were not a Christian, his life would be about the same.  This question tugged at my heart too.  Although there are some things that I give to God immediately, there were two big pieces that I couldn’t let go of.  Now that I have…I praise Him!  I know that He will make me happy…just because He is God.  Not because of things I think He will give me.  I told someone today that in the past few months, I would “act right” because if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart. ~ Psalm 37:4  Well, you can’t “act right” to get what you want.  God pointed me to another piece of scripture that helped me see that my way of thinking was not exactly what He was looking for: Proverbs 3:5-6 ~ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.   “In all your ways, submit to Him…”  Done.  Praise God! 

My prayer for you is that you will Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him. ~Proverbs 3:5-6