Date Night

I have been blessed to be a part of a small group this semester called Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.  I didn’t really have any expectations of the book going in to it. I was just excited that I had another resource to guide me in raising a kid in this fallen world.  I’ve really enjoyed what little bit I’ve read of the book.  The funny thing is that in order to be somewhat successful in raising kids, you aren’t even really supposed to focus on them!  So far (and we’re still pretty early in the book), the goals are to focus on your relationship with the Lord and then spend some time focusing on your relationship with your spouse.  Now, the first one is a given.  Duh!  In order for anything to be successful, you’ve got to work on your relationship with God.  The second one, although I’ve heard the whole triangle analogy (You and your spouse are the bottom corners of a triangle and God is at the top.  As you grow in the Lord, you grow toward one another.), is where I’ve kind of struggled.  (Thank the good Lord that I started this study while Fishy is still pretty new!) I don’t want you to think that David and I have been going through problems.  It’s just that all of a sudden, it wasn’t just David and me anymore.  We went from everything being about us to forgetting about us so that we could focus on keeping a kid alive. There have been several days that I think, “When was the last time we hugged?”  Our “together” time has just been being in the same room with each other. Now that we’ve gotten used to having Fishy around, it’s time to focus on our relationship. 

One thing I am proud of is that on most days, David and I carpool.  This isn’t because we want to, and really, we’ll probably be glad when we don’t do it anymore.  However, for the last couple of months, we’ve been riding to work together.  (Since we’ve moved into a rental house, I’m now much farther away from my work than I was.  I also drive right past David’s work, so it just makes sense to drop him off.  Plus, if I take him and pick him up, he gets home at the same time I do!) Neither of us is much of a morning person, so most days, the car ride is pretty quiet except for a few comments we make about whatever is happening on Rick and Bubba.  On the rare occasion I might can pull out a conversation with David and we can enjoy “family time” while we’re all in the same location.

The Ezzos talk about making time for each other in front of your kids.  It doesn’t matter if you have your couple time after the kid goes to sleep.  It’s important to show your kids that you love each other.  One of the major points in the book so far is emphasizing that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to love each other.  One of the examples from the book was a family that was having trouble with the behavior of their child.  Once they realized that although they do spend one-on-one time with each other, it was important for them to spend that time in front of their child so they he/she would develop a security in his/her parents’ love for each other, the child’s behavior changed.  That totally amazed me!  I never even considered the emotional impact my relationship with David could have on my kid.  I just thought that loving each other in front of Fishy would set an example of how to treat a woman and how he should be treated.  I never even considered that it was important to his overall development!  Another aspect of this point is to show your kids that you go on dates.  Not to gross them out or to tell them that you want to get away from them, but because you love them.  

I know that I am at fault for not wanting to leave Fishy with a baby sitter so that David and I can put this into practice.  At first, it was just because I didn’t want to leave him.  Then, it just became too much trouble.  I mean, babies come with a lot of stuff!  By the time I get everything packed and transported, I’m tired and don’t want to do anything.  Now, I’m to the point that as soon as he’s fully weaned, he’s going to have-a-spend the night party…with someone else!  That’s going to be a hard night for me, but I know that David’s and my relationship needs to be a priority. 

Another big idea from the book so far even further blows my mind.  For my entire life, I’ve heard people say that kids complete their little family.  According to the book, that’s not true (or at least shouldn’t be true).  It goes back to Adam and Eve.  Genesis 2:18 says “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable.”  God created Eve from Adam and for Adam.  Eve completed Adam.  Then they had kids… The book reminds us (or in my case, reveals to me for the first time), that children do not complete a family.  Children expand a family. 

This idea is really hard for me to wrap my mind around.  Fishy has been my little world for the past 8 months.  I need to understand that he is just an expansion of my family.  David and I went right along with life before Fishy was ever thought of.  Now, we need to do the same…just with a little bit of focus on raising him. 

So, now that David and I have committed to trying to focus more on our relationship, we’ve run in to the problem that we just don’t have time!  Every time we’ve talked about planning something, something comes up for that day.  So, our goal is to have a date…a real date (not just a drive thru and errand running) in the next few weeks.  After that, I’d like to try for once a month. 

So, my prayer this week is for us parents to focus on our relationships with our spouses because we love our children that much.  Plan a date night.  It’s important!

This IS my happy face!

One of David’s and my favorite lines from a movie is “This is my happy face!” from Tommy Lee Jones in Man of the House.  If you’ve never seen the movie, I highly recommend it when you’re in the mood for something funny.  Tommy Lee Jones’ character is always grumpy and he ends up having to be in charge of cheerleaders.  Someone tells him to put on a happy face and his response (in a very exaggerated southern accent) is, “This is my happy face!” 

I feel like, as a Christian, I always have to have on a “happy face.”  That’s just so hard to do!  My mind is filled with clever come-backs and lists of other people’s shortcomings.  (Just in case I need to point them out one day.) Man, how un-Christian that is! Would Jesus keep a list like mine? NOPE! If I’m supposed to be living as He did ~1 John 2:6, why do I get offended by things people say? A comment was made the other day that I could have very easily snapped back with one of those clever remarks, but I bit my tongue.  I kept thinking of 1 Corinthians 10:31 ~ So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. I knew that my clever remarks would not glorify the Lord.  I also didn’t want to stand there and get “bullied.”  I felt like I needed to stick up for myself.  My first thought was to point out their flaws and “hold them accountable” (meaning, I wanted to say something ugly to show them that, yeah, I’ve got a list for you too).  Then, I remembered a Proverbs 31 Woman devotion I read this summer.  It was about choosing to NOT be offended.  God was doing everything He could to get my attention and tell me to be the bigger person.  I bit my tongue. 

I feel like Christians are always expected to have on their “happy face.”  God never promised Christianity would be easy, though. I’ve heard countless sermons on Mark 12:30-31 ~ Love our God , the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And to Love your neighbor as yourself.  Easy peasey, right? Honestly, Mark 31 is hard enough alone.  “Love your neighbor[…]as yourself.” For those of you who know me, you know I’m not much of a people person.  I rarely trust people and I always expect people to let me down.  When someone annoys or offends me, I can easily remove them from my life and not really give it a second thought.  I find it difficult to “put on my happy face” around people who annoy the dog fool out of me.  I’d much rather tell them what I really think of them, or at least give them a look that gets the point across, than to show Godly love to them. 

I choose NOT to be offended.  Well, at least I’m working on it.  It’s so much easier to find offense in something someone says or does and to just remove them from my everyday life.  God tells me to be different, though.  He wants me to show His love in every breath, every action, every thought, and every word.  After all, I’m merely a vessel to be used for His glory.  He chose me to be a vessel.  He loved me enough to give me this task.  That’s enough to give me a sincere “happy face.”

My prayer for you (and for me) is that the God’s love will be enough to give you a “happy face.”