Date Night

I have been blessed to be a part of a small group this semester called Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.  I didn’t really have any expectations of the book going in to it. I was just excited that I had another resource to guide me in raising a kid in this fallen world.  I’ve really enjoyed what little bit I’ve read of the book.  The funny thing is that in order to be somewhat successful in raising kids, you aren’t even really supposed to focus on them!  So far (and we’re still pretty early in the book), the goals are to focus on your relationship with the Lord and then spend some time focusing on your relationship with your spouse.  Now, the first one is a given.  Duh!  In order for anything to be successful, you’ve got to work on your relationship with God.  The second one, although I’ve heard the whole triangle analogy (You and your spouse are the bottom corners of a triangle and God is at the top.  As you grow in the Lord, you grow toward one another.), is where I’ve kind of struggled.  (Thank the good Lord that I started this study while Fishy is still pretty new!) I don’t want you to think that David and I have been going through problems.  It’s just that all of a sudden, it wasn’t just David and me anymore.  We went from everything being about us to forgetting about us so that we could focus on keeping a kid alive. There have been several days that I think, “When was the last time we hugged?”  Our “together” time has just been being in the same room with each other. Now that we’ve gotten used to having Fishy around, it’s time to focus on our relationship. 

One thing I am proud of is that on most days, David and I carpool.  This isn’t because we want to, and really, we’ll probably be glad when we don’t do it anymore.  However, for the last couple of months, we’ve been riding to work together.  (Since we’ve moved into a rental house, I’m now much farther away from my work than I was.  I also drive right past David’s work, so it just makes sense to drop him off.  Plus, if I take him and pick him up, he gets home at the same time I do!) Neither of us is much of a morning person, so most days, the car ride is pretty quiet except for a few comments we make about whatever is happening on Rick and Bubba.  On the rare occasion I might can pull out a conversation with David and we can enjoy “family time” while we’re all in the same location.

The Ezzos talk about making time for each other in front of your kids.  It doesn’t matter if you have your couple time after the kid goes to sleep.  It’s important to show your kids that you love each other.  One of the major points in the book so far is emphasizing that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to love each other.  One of the examples from the book was a family that was having trouble with the behavior of their child.  Once they realized that although they do spend one-on-one time with each other, it was important for them to spend that time in front of their child so they he/she would develop a security in his/her parents’ love for each other, the child’s behavior changed.  That totally amazed me!  I never even considered the emotional impact my relationship with David could have on my kid.  I just thought that loving each other in front of Fishy would set an example of how to treat a woman and how he should be treated.  I never even considered that it was important to his overall development!  Another aspect of this point is to show your kids that you go on dates.  Not to gross them out or to tell them that you want to get away from them, but because you love them.  

I know that I am at fault for not wanting to leave Fishy with a baby sitter so that David and I can put this into practice.  At first, it was just because I didn’t want to leave him.  Then, it just became too much trouble.  I mean, babies come with a lot of stuff!  By the time I get everything packed and transported, I’m tired and don’t want to do anything.  Now, I’m to the point that as soon as he’s fully weaned, he’s going to have-a-spend the night party…with someone else!  That’s going to be a hard night for me, but I know that David’s and my relationship needs to be a priority. 

Another big idea from the book so far even further blows my mind.  For my entire life, I’ve heard people say that kids complete their little family.  According to the book, that’s not true (or at least shouldn’t be true).  It goes back to Adam and Eve.  Genesis 2:18 says “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable.”  God created Eve from Adam and for Adam.  Eve completed Adam.  Then they had kids… The book reminds us (or in my case, reveals to me for the first time), that children do not complete a family.  Children expand a family. 

This idea is really hard for me to wrap my mind around.  Fishy has been my little world for the past 8 months.  I need to understand that he is just an expansion of my family.  David and I went right along with life before Fishy was ever thought of.  Now, we need to do the same…just with a little bit of focus on raising him. 

So, now that David and I have committed to trying to focus more on our relationship, we’ve run in to the problem that we just don’t have time!  Every time we’ve talked about planning something, something comes up for that day.  So, our goal is to have a date…a real date (not just a drive thru and errand running) in the next few weeks.  After that, I’d like to try for once a month. 

So, my prayer this week is for us parents to focus on our relationships with our spouses because we love our children that much.  Plan a date night.  It’s important!