Date Night

I have been blessed to be a part of a small group this semester called Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.  I didn’t really have any expectations of the book going in to it. I was just excited that I had another resource to guide me in raising a kid in this fallen world.  I’ve really enjoyed what little bit I’ve read of the book.  The funny thing is that in order to be somewhat successful in raising kids, you aren’t even really supposed to focus on them!  So far (and we’re still pretty early in the book), the goals are to focus on your relationship with the Lord and then spend some time focusing on your relationship with your spouse.  Now, the first one is a given.  Duh!  In order for anything to be successful, you’ve got to work on your relationship with God.  The second one, although I’ve heard the whole triangle analogy (You and your spouse are the bottom corners of a triangle and God is at the top.  As you grow in the Lord, you grow toward one another.), is where I’ve kind of struggled.  (Thank the good Lord that I started this study while Fishy is still pretty new!) I don’t want you to think that David and I have been going through problems.  It’s just that all of a sudden, it wasn’t just David and me anymore.  We went from everything being about us to forgetting about us so that we could focus on keeping a kid alive. There have been several days that I think, “When was the last time we hugged?”  Our “together” time has just been being in the same room with each other. Now that we’ve gotten used to having Fishy around, it’s time to focus on our relationship. 

One thing I am proud of is that on most days, David and I carpool.  This isn’t because we want to, and really, we’ll probably be glad when we don’t do it anymore.  However, for the last couple of months, we’ve been riding to work together.  (Since we’ve moved into a rental house, I’m now much farther away from my work than I was.  I also drive right past David’s work, so it just makes sense to drop him off.  Plus, if I take him and pick him up, he gets home at the same time I do!) Neither of us is much of a morning person, so most days, the car ride is pretty quiet except for a few comments we make about whatever is happening on Rick and Bubba.  On the rare occasion I might can pull out a conversation with David and we can enjoy “family time” while we’re all in the same location.

The Ezzos talk about making time for each other in front of your kids.  It doesn’t matter if you have your couple time after the kid goes to sleep.  It’s important to show your kids that you love each other.  One of the major points in the book so far is emphasizing that one of the greatest gifts we can give our children is to love each other.  One of the examples from the book was a family that was having trouble with the behavior of their child.  Once they realized that although they do spend one-on-one time with each other, it was important for them to spend that time in front of their child so they he/she would develop a security in his/her parents’ love for each other, the child’s behavior changed.  That totally amazed me!  I never even considered the emotional impact my relationship with David could have on my kid.  I just thought that loving each other in front of Fishy would set an example of how to treat a woman and how he should be treated.  I never even considered that it was important to his overall development!  Another aspect of this point is to show your kids that you go on dates.  Not to gross them out or to tell them that you want to get away from them, but because you love them.  

I know that I am at fault for not wanting to leave Fishy with a baby sitter so that David and I can put this into practice.  At first, it was just because I didn’t want to leave him.  Then, it just became too much trouble.  I mean, babies come with a lot of stuff!  By the time I get everything packed and transported, I’m tired and don’t want to do anything.  Now, I’m to the point that as soon as he’s fully weaned, he’s going to have-a-spend the night party…with someone else!  That’s going to be a hard night for me, but I know that David’s and my relationship needs to be a priority. 

Another big idea from the book so far even further blows my mind.  For my entire life, I’ve heard people say that kids complete their little family.  According to the book, that’s not true (or at least shouldn’t be true).  It goes back to Adam and Eve.  Genesis 2:18 says “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable.”  God created Eve from Adam and for Adam.  Eve completed Adam.  Then they had kids… The book reminds us (or in my case, reveals to me for the first time), that children do not complete a family.  Children expand a family. 

This idea is really hard for me to wrap my mind around.  Fishy has been my little world for the past 8 months.  I need to understand that he is just an expansion of my family.  David and I went right along with life before Fishy was ever thought of.  Now, we need to do the same…just with a little bit of focus on raising him. 

So, now that David and I have committed to trying to focus more on our relationship, we’ve run in to the problem that we just don’t have time!  Every time we’ve talked about planning something, something comes up for that day.  So, our goal is to have a date…a real date (not just a drive thru and errand running) in the next few weeks.  After that, I’d like to try for once a month. 

So, my prayer this week is for us parents to focus on our relationships with our spouses because we love our children that much.  Plan a date night.  It’s important!

This IS my happy face!

One of David’s and my favorite lines from a movie is “This is my happy face!” from Tommy Lee Jones in Man of the House.  If you’ve never seen the movie, I highly recommend it when you’re in the mood for something funny.  Tommy Lee Jones’ character is always grumpy and he ends up having to be in charge of cheerleaders.  Someone tells him to put on a happy face and his response (in a very exaggerated southern accent) is, “This is my happy face!” 

I feel like, as a Christian, I always have to have on a “happy face.”  That’s just so hard to do!  My mind is filled with clever come-backs and lists of other people’s shortcomings.  (Just in case I need to point them out one day.) Man, how un-Christian that is! Would Jesus keep a list like mine? NOPE! If I’m supposed to be living as He did ~1 John 2:6, why do I get offended by things people say? A comment was made the other day that I could have very easily snapped back with one of those clever remarks, but I bit my tongue.  I kept thinking of 1 Corinthians 10:31 ~ So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. I knew that my clever remarks would not glorify the Lord.  I also didn’t want to stand there and get “bullied.”  I felt like I needed to stick up for myself.  My first thought was to point out their flaws and “hold them accountable” (meaning, I wanted to say something ugly to show them that, yeah, I’ve got a list for you too).  Then, I remembered a Proverbs 31 Woman devotion I read this summer.  It was about choosing to NOT be offended.  God was doing everything He could to get my attention and tell me to be the bigger person.  I bit my tongue. 

I feel like Christians are always expected to have on their “happy face.”  God never promised Christianity would be easy, though. I’ve heard countless sermons on Mark 12:30-31 ~ Love our God , the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. And to Love your neighbor as yourself.  Easy peasey, right? Honestly, Mark 31 is hard enough alone.  “Love your neighbor[…]as yourself.” For those of you who know me, you know I’m not much of a people person.  I rarely trust people and I always expect people to let me down.  When someone annoys or offends me, I can easily remove them from my life and not really give it a second thought.  I find it difficult to “put on my happy face” around people who annoy the dog fool out of me.  I’d much rather tell them what I really think of them, or at least give them a look that gets the point across, than to show Godly love to them. 

I choose NOT to be offended.  Well, at least I’m working on it.  It’s so much easier to find offense in something someone says or does and to just remove them from my everyday life.  God tells me to be different, though.  He wants me to show His love in every breath, every action, every thought, and every word.  After all, I’m merely a vessel to be used for His glory.  He chose me to be a vessel.  He loved me enough to give me this task.  That’s enough to give me a sincere “happy face.”

My prayer for you (and for me) is that the God’s love will be enough to give you a “happy face.”

He’s Got This!

I know, I know.  I missed July’s entry.  In my defense though, I blinked and July was gone! I can’t believe it’s time to start back to school, BUT I’m ready!

I am a teacher.  That’s one of a small handful of things in my life that I know, without question, I’m doing that is within God’s ultimate plan.  Will I be a teacher for the rest of my life or at least my career? Who knows, but teaching is ingrained in me.  I’ve not been in the classroom since February 18^th.  For the first few months, my mind was completely distracted with new baby stuff.  Then, I noticed that it slowly started turning back on to teaching.  My two favorite subjects to teach are math and grammar.  I’m pretty sure that I like these subjects most for two reasons: 1-They’re pretty straight forward.  There is always a “right” answer. 2-EVERYBODY uses math and grammar daily…so they’re extra important.  I have found a way to “teach” these two subjects without even stepping foot in a classroom.  I’ve gotten teased a lot for my FB grammar lessons.  You are welcome to tease all you like, as long as you get something from it! “To” and “too” are NOT interchangeable! In fact, it was a math lesson (or lack thereof) that reassured me all over again, that I am meant to be a teacher.

I was at Hobby Lobby getting fabric to make some super cute pocket tees.  I didn’t need much, so as I put the bolt on the counter, I simply said, “I need a quarter.”  Vague, yes, but I assumed “a quarter” implied a quarter of a yard since this was not the first time I’d made this request.  It must have been a change in shifts because there were two girls at the counter talking.  The one who was staying asked if I meant a quarter of a yard.  At my confirmation, she then asked her co-worker how much a quarter was (as in ¼).  This question disturbed me, but then it only got worse.  The co-worker turned around as she was walking off and said, “Yes.  I like to think about it like a dollar,” (this is how I teach my 4^th graders!) “There are four quarters in one dollar.”  She started to walk away again when the other girl said, “Hey! You kept my cheat sheet!”  Not being familiar with the way Hobby Lobby does things (which all frequent HL shoppers can agree that they are a little behind the times in terms of technology), I ignored the comment and continued to think about the girl (not to mention one who works in the fabric department) didn’t know that a quarter means ¼.  It was then that her understanding of math broke my teacher heart. As the co-worker handed her the cheat sheet, she said, “It’s .25.”  The cheat sheet obviously was a quick fractions-to-decimals conversion chart.  No big deal.  My heart ached at the fact that ¼ is a SIMPLE fraction and even after the co-worker referred to the measurement in terms of $1.00, the girl still didn’t make the connection to .25 or $0.25.  Maybe my reaction to the whole fraction thing is a little much, especially to non-teachers, but the girl wasn’t even making the connection.  This event reassured me that my place on this earth is in the classroom.  After all the anxiety and dread I’d had about going back to work and leaving my little Fishy, I was certain that I need to do my part in advancing the knowledge and understanding of my fourth graders.

I just wasn’t ready to go back to work in May.  I’m so very grateful for the opportunity I had, to spend nearly every waking moment of the first 5 ½ months of my baby’s life with him.  That is time that I will never get back and will always cherish.  I’m ready now.  I feel like that if I’d chosen to be a stay at home mom, I’d be wasting what God created me for.  (SAHM, Please do not think I am criticizing you.  BELIEVE me, after 5 ½ months as a SAHM, I understand that it’s just as much of a calling as being a teacher!  I don’t know how you do it.) I just know that God put me on this earth to teach, and if I didn’t do that, then I wouldn’t be following His plan for my life.

I still don’t know why I am always amazed when I realize that God knows what He’s doing!  I’ve stated before that I’m not fond of change.  I like itineraries, check-lists, and expectations.  When something happens, I’m not a “just go with it” kind of girl. I like to know how things are going to end, before they even start so naturally, the mere anticipation of going back to work made me anxious.  Like I said, God knows what He’s doing.  He’s the One who created me, so He knows how I work.  For my entire life, I’ve had to be prepared for change.  When David and I got married, I needed the year to prepare for the move that was an hour away from my comfort.  It just takes me a while to feel okay about change.  Anticipating leaving Little Man made me sick.  So, God, being the Great and Almighty One that He is, began putting ignorant people in my path (or at least opening my eyes to their ignorance) to tug at the strings of my teacher heart so that I would be ready to dive into the new year.

As I write this, I am reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6 ~ Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Seek Him in all you do and He will show you the path to take. I would typically reference this verse when I need or someone needs to make a big decision, but it kind of seems fitting for my current situation as well.  When I put my complete trust in God, He will handle it.  I’m trusting Him with my career choice and leaving my little fella, and He’s taking care of things. 

I pray that you will put your trust in Him in all that you do.  He’s got this!

God's Plans

God’s Plans

I don’t know why I am always amazed by what God does.  When I started this blog, my intent was to do it for myself and not let anyone know.  I was going to turn on all privacy settings and just write through my feelings.  Most likely, I’d have deleted everything very early on.  However, when I felt the Lord leading me to share it with everyone, I felt that I needed to let it be available to the entire Internet world.  I started writing about what God was doing in my life and shared it with anyone who was willing to read it.  I know most people get to it through FB.  Maybe some people even have it saved as a bookmark.  According to the stats, there have been page views from Russia and other countries!  I thought only a small group of my friends would ever be interested and that those people would eventually lose interest.  Boy, was I wrong!  Maybe those Russians just happened upon my page and didn’t even read it.  Even so, it’s out there for the whole world to read, and I hope you share it with folks too. 

After my last post, I received a comment from a lady named Heather who wanted me to use my blog to help share her story.  Before I get into it, I didn’t even know the comment section was turned on!  In fact, I’m pretty sure I’d turned it off when I started the blog.  Most of you have sent me very encouraging comments through FB, and I welcome those.  I just think it’s so stinkin cool how God can turn on the comment section on a blog!

So, back to Heather.  Heather was diagnosed with mesothelioma about seven years ago; right after her daughter was born.  She had to spend several months away from her sweet baby so that she could get treatment (and here I am, thinking a few hours away from Fishy is the end of the world!). She and her husband participated in a short video about their journey to help raise awareness about this horrible, yet little known, cancer.  The link to the video is below, and I encourage you to take a few minutes to listen to Heather’s story.  We’ve all been affected by cancer in some way, and thank God Heather beat the odds and is here today to follow God’s plan for her life and help raise awareness of mesothelioma!

How cool is it that God somehow led Heather to my blog so that it can be used as a tool to help her with her mission for Him?  Again, I don’t know why I’m always amazed at God’s plans, but I think it’s really neat that when I surrender to His Will, incredible things happen.

Don’t forget to watch Heather’s video!  I have more things to share in another post (hopefully soon), but I wanted to devote this one to Heather’s story.  http://www.mesothelioma.com/heather

Jeremiah 29:11 ~ “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord.  “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

My prayer for you is that you will follow God’s plans for you and be amazed at His awesomeness J

My First Mother's Day :)

So I skipped my March entry, but not exactly on purpose.  I simply have not opened my computer since my little man got here.  I could just look at him and hold him all day long!  Then April came and went…

First, I’ll update ya on the FishMan.  He was born on February 20^th after 11 LONG hours of labor weighing in at 8 lbs 8 oz (like the “fish” weight reference?)  His name really is Fisher…he’ll go by Graham though. Poor kid is going to have an identity crisis because I read somewhere that at around six months, babies start to recognize their names.  He has no idea his name is Graham!  We call him Fishy, FishMan, Fish, FishFin, Little Man, etc.  I told the ladies in the nursery at church that it’s like a dog’s name.  He has a formal, given name and then he has the fun name we call him.

He’s changed my world.  I’ve always enjoyed working.  At one point I think I had four jobs…just because.  I said from the time I found out I was pregnant that I would be ready to go back to work after being off for a while so I decided I’d go back the last two weeks of school.  Well, we met with his daycare teacher two or three weeks ago and I immediately started getting anxious.  I cried for three days and could feel panic attacks coming on if I spent too long thinking about leaving him.  It wasn’t because I didn’t want to leave him with anyone.  I really don’t have a problem with that and I don’t think I’m too crazy with instructions when I do leave him. (At least they say we’re easy at church!) I just couldn’t stand the thought of not spending all day with him. David and I even made plans to go to Dreamland for my Mother’s Day lunch and I changed my mind because I didn’t want to leave him for a whole day.  Needless to say, I was not ready to go back to work and my principal has so graciously allowed me to stay home these next two weeks.  Who knew I’d ever be one who was asking for more time?

I’ve never wanted this blog to be about being pregnant and having a baby.  I know it’s kind of turned in to that though.  However, the point of this blog was to share what God is doing in my life and He’s working through my little fella.  With that said, I’ll share what I’ve learned these last twelve weeks (besides the fact that baby wipes can and will clean just about anything!)

Around Good Friday, I read all of the FB posts about being thankful for Christ’s sacrifice.  Not that I’m not, or wasn’t thankful, I just don’t like to think about it.  When The Passion of the Christ came out, I was able to “see” what Jesus went through.  I was so overcome with guilt because I knew that He would have endured all of that just for me.  When everyone started posting about Christ’s sacrifice, the guilt came back.  I’m sure it’s not a bad thing and it’s probably more conviction than guilt, but either way, it’s hard to think that I put Jesus on that cross.  Then came Easter Sunday.  I was up feeding Little Man in the middle of the night and scanning through FB when I started seeing all of the “He is Risen” posts.  That’s when it hit me and I spent the next little while crying and praying over Graham. God sacrificed His Son.  His little boy.  His perfect little boy.  He created Jesus to take our sins away through the ultimate sacrifice of painful death.  I could not begin to fathom my little fella enduring any pain, let alone the pain Jesus took on…for me.  So God has used my son to help me develop a greater appreciation of what His Son did.  Thank you, Jesus, for your love for me.  Thank you, God, for giving Him to us. 

Finally, this time last year I was heart broken.  My “first” Mother’s Day.  I still don’t like to think about it, and I didn’t realize it then, but it was a very important day.  That’s the day we prayed Fishy into existence.  (If you’re out of the loop, read my “Mother’s Day” post from last year.)  That’s the day that we finally completely let God be in control of when we would have a baby.  I am eternally grateful for the Godly people who prayed for Fishy.  He’s already met a few of you and I’ve made sure I let him know that without you, we wouldn’t have him.  Thank you!

So, today, on my first Mother’s Day with a baby on this earth, all I wanted was to hold my baby that I prayed so hard to get.  After a busy day (and a couple of missed naps), we cuddled on the couch for a few hours and I couldn’t have been happier.  He’s the cutest thing on this planet and our cuddle time is the best!

Her children rise up and call her blessed ~ Proverbs 31:28 and blessed I am!

Testing

The Lord is testing my faith.  That’s what this has to be.  First of all, I am SO, SO, SO very thankful to be having Fishy.  A little anxious, yes, but very grateful that David’s and my prayers were answered.  However, I’m tired. I know it doesn’t get better after the baby comes, but I’m tired.  My feet hurt, my back hurts, my legs hurt.  Carpal tunnel drives me nuts.  My ankles/legs/feet, have swollen past the point of cankles and on into the “Flintstone” stage.  Socks that would normally come over my knees now barely make it past my ankles.  I have headaches and nose bleeds and have to pee ALL the time.  My rings don’t fit, my clothes don’t fit, my shoes don’t fit.  I’m tired of being hungry and tired and achy, and I’m just ready for Fishy to be here. 

Again, I’m very thankful for Fishy.  I see God’s sense of humor and am glad He’s enjoying this.  I’ve had a pretty easy pregnancy aside from just being uncomfortable, but I’m ready for baby.  (Maybe not ready for baby, just ready to be normal again.)  I do really think that God is allowing me to be miserable so that I don’t worry about the pain and what’s about to happen.  I usually have to be distracted so that I don’t worry about stuff.  I’m just ready for the little turd head to be here.  There are 12 days until my due date.  I’m pretty sure Fishy is going to be a procrastinator like his daddy and wait til the very last minute to greet us.  My friend Brittney’s due date is 2 weeks after mine.  Well, she’s in labor as I type.  I’m quite bitter today…although super excited for her!  I know He’s just testing my faith and patience.

The doctor has given us the option of scheduling an induction for next week.  I’m supposed to let her know my decision when I see her Thursday.  I was all for it at first.  I love the idea of knowing it will be my doctor who delivers Fishy and the fact that I can schedule it (I’m not too keen on surprises).  However, the more I think about it, I’m not so sure induction is for me.  David is more worried about the fact the doctor said induction increases the chance of a c-section.  That doesn’t worry me so much though.  My main conviction is that I asked for this pregnancy.  I asked for this baby.  I’ve prayed for a healthy baby and safe delivery for months.  Everything has been in God’s perfect timing and according to his almighty plan.  Why should I try to interfere and take it into my own hands when I’ve trusted Him this far.  Yeah, I’m miserable, but God is perfect.  His timing is perfect.  He will let Fishy arrive exactly when Fishy is supposed to.  The hardest part is that I have the option of scheduling an induction.  I have the option of choosing Fishy’s birthday.  I have the option of planning...and I love planning.  I just don’t feel like that’s God’s plan for us though.  Man, I’m tired.  Maybe He’s allowing me the little “rest” that I’m getting now, because He knows how I simply cannot function without sleep and it’s only going to be worse in a few days.

Everything is ready for Fishy…sort of.  I’m ready.  I’ve planned and gotten prepared at school and packing my bags and having his stuff set up.  We are just kind of “in between” houses right now.  We aren’t moving until this weekend, which is my prediction for Fishy’s arrival since I will be more than stressed and I don’t like people to help.  I’ve been told that I can’t do anything, but have to be present.  I’m thinking no on that though. 

I apologize that this post has turned in to more of a rant than anything else.  There is a spiritual basis to it though.  I’ve recognized that God is testing me and I have to rely fully on Him and trust in His perfect timing.  This is just one of those times that I wish my timing aligned with His a little better. 

Keep the prayers coming!  They’re always appreciated!