Marriage

There are a handful of things in my life that I can say I am 100% confident that I followed the Lord’s plan.  Marrying David is one of them.  It takes work, but it’s been one of the easiest things I’ve done in my life, because I know it’s from God.  David and I will be married for 8 years on July 1^st, so I am in no way an expert on marriage.  However, with the recent marriage conferences around V’Day and Sunday’s sermon on marriage, I feel lead to write about a few things.  (It’s so “funny” how I started out with an entirely different topic in mind and God switched gears on me.  I don’t think He will ever stop amazing me.)

 Let me start with a little background on David and me.  We started dating in 2004 (I think).  He was (and still is) the only person I could be brutally honest with and not care if I hurt his feelings.  He’s always been the same with me, too.  We both had different plans for our lives when we realized that God was pushing us toward each other.  I had never been more sure of anything in my life and didn’t think twice when I told David I wanted him to ask me to marry him some day (this was the beginning of week 2 of dating) before we shared the “I love yous” (which came at the end of week 2).  The rest, as they say, is history.  We dated a year, were engaged a year, and have been married almost 8 years. 

What makes us work?  Well, besides knowing that God created us to be together, we went in to our marriage understanding that divorce is not an option.   Divorce is all around us.  Some of you have experienced it yourselves.  I want you to know, I’m not judging.  I’m simply writing what God has put on my heart.  I think that knowing we BOTH understand that divorce is not an option, the fear of it is not in the backs of our heads.  Divorce never crosses my mind.  (Well, actually, that’s not 100% true.  The ONLY time I’ve ever threatened divorce, and I’ve been very convicted about it since, was as a joke.  David was at the Bass Master’s Classic expo a few years ago.  He texted me that he’d just met his fishing idol and I told him that if he met Skeet Reese without me, we were getting divorced.  It was totally a joke and ended up being extremely funny because as he was reading my response, he walked right up to Skeet Reese and showed him my text.  Luckily for me, Skeet didn’t do well in the Classic that year so I was able to meet him later on in the weekend and we were able to share a little inside joke with a famous angler.)  It may be our brutal honesty with each other, or this understanding, but either way, we are able to argue, get all of our opinions and feelings out, and move on without ever being afraid that we will push the other too far and our marriage will be over.  Now, don’t let me fool you.  We’ve had our arguments and blow ups.  We’ve learned lessons and to pick our battles.  We’ve spent a decade growing up together.  Still, we know that we are stuck with each other. J

Ephesians 5 explains the role of husbands and wives.  

²¹ And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

²² For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. ²³ For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. ²⁴ As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

²⁵ For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her ²⁶ to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.^{[b] 27} He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. ²⁸ In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. ²⁹ No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. ³⁰ And we are members of his body.

³¹ As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”^{[c] 32} This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. ³³ So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

 Someone once told me that she wasn’t going to submit to her husband.  Not being married at the time, I didn’t think much about it.  Now, I understand how fatal her stubbornness was.  Submission isn’t an option if you want a successful marriage.  Sunday’s sermon said that the number one problem in marriage is sin.  Ephesians 5 is very clear that God commands wives to submit to their husbands.  Verse 21 stands out to me the most.  We aren’t to submit to our husbands because we are inferior, but we should do it out of reverence to Christ. If we love the Lord, we will willingly submit to our husbands.  Husbands are to be the head of the household.  Truthfully, I don’t want that responsibility so I kinda look at it as me getting the better end of the deal. 

Verses 25-30 give specific commands to husbands.  It says more than just “husbands should love their wives.”  I mean, that’s kinda a given, right?  God commands husbands to love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. AND…wait for it...this is BIG…He gave up His life for her.  THAT’S the kind of love God commands from husbands. 

This is where I get to brag on David.  During this entire house-building process, David has taken on the responsibility of getting everything taken care of.  I’ve not had to do anything except pick things out.  He makes sure everything is getting done on the building end as well as the financial end.  He’s lining everything up and handling the little things along with the big things.  I’ve not had to deal with the bulk of the stress that he’s dealt with.  At first, I complained.  I wanted to be a part of it all and he wasn’t letting me do anything.  Now, I see that he’s showing his love for me by handling everything and protecting me from the stress that he tackles head-on.  He’s showing that he cares for [me], just as Christ cares for the church.  (David’s love language is Acts of Service by the way.) 

 

Finally, it’s important to realize that God didn’t create marriage for us.  He created it for Himself.  He gets glory when we do marriage right.  When we surrender our marriage to Him, He will take care of it, just like with anything else.  Marriage takes work.  Why would I want to do it by myself?  Isn’t it just easier to give it to God so He can handle it?  I mean, He will show us what to do and where to go, but come on…we are destined to fail if we try to do it by ourselves.  Marriage is important enough to me that I want it to work.  From the get-go, David and I decided that divorce isn’t an option.  It’s the easy way out. 

2 Corinthians 5:15 says He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.  Obviously this verse can be interpreted in different ways, but I think it supports the truth that God gets more glory from our marriages than we do when we live for Him.  Marriage is a lifelong commitment.  Why not do it right the first time?

My prayer for you, if you’re married or planning to marry, is that you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ ~ Ephesians 5:21