As I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I’ve “become” quite selfish as of late. I put “become” in quotes because I guess I’ve realized that I haven’t “become”, but have “always been” selfish. Obviously as earthly creatures we possess some form of selfishness. I, however, have been hit slap in the face with just how selfish of a person I am.
I’ve said more than once that I had the mindset that I was too selfish to have kids. I don’t like to share and definitely didn’t want to share my birthday, if that may be the case. Well, the miscarriage fixed that. I’m willing to be unselfish, and get this…SHARE MY BIRTHDAY with a child. That was part of how my priorities changed after the miscarriage. I guess I figured my new perspective alleviated all selfishness in me, but of course not. If anything, having a “woe is me” attitude for the past 6 months has made me even more selfish. I also have tried, probably very unsuccessfully to most of you, to be less materialistic. This was also part of my new mindset though. When people reached out to David and me after the miscarriage, I had people want to take me shopping or buy me stuff, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am greatly appreciative of this (and perhaps my crazy hormones played a factor), but I took it as people want to buy me stuff because they know material items make me happy. This has always been true, so I’m not complaining about people’s gestures. They were simply doing what they knew would work for me. It just hit me kind of hard that I’m so materialistic and selfish, that the only thing people know to do for me to cheer me up is to buy stuff or take me shopping. Talk about a rude awakening!
I had a similar realization while I was teaching one day, too. My kids love for me to tell stories. I know it’s because I’m animated and long-winded and they realize that my stories are keeping them from having to work – but I like to do it anyway. We were talking about famous people from Alabama
My last example of realizing my “hoity-toityness” came last weekend (before I began to give God control of my life again). David and I had gone out to dinner and I’d asked to go to Sonic for dessert. I’m not really sure what all I had said or even where we’d been, but I know I had not displayed a gracious, “Rejoice in the Lord always,” attitude. I ordered a Sonic Blast and for some reason they’ve changed the cups they’re in. Instead of the typical cardboard cup, now they have some sort of silver, thermal-y cups. Well, I didn’t like them! As the waitress (who has no input in what types of cups are used, I’m sure) delivered the SB, I very loudly and very rudely, emphasized how gross and dumb the new cups were. Seriously. A cup! God didn’t use a tragedy or a story this time to get my attention…he used David! He jumped right in and said I should think about what I say and how I say it because people probably think I’m snotty, uptight, and high maintenanced (I don’t remember exactly what he called me, but you get the idea). Of course I got mad at David for calling me names, but he was simply holding me accountable of my behavior.
Needless to say, I’ve had quite the eye-openers lately. God uses so many things to get your attention. I’ve learned that I have been a living example of Matthew 12:34 ~ For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. I hope that lately, I’ve been living on the flip side of that verse. I know I’m a work in progress, but I don’t want bitterness and selfishness and holier-than-thou attitudes in my heart, because what is in my heart is reflected in my actions and attitude.
So, I apologize to anyone I may have offended lately. I’d allowed Satan to take control, because frankly, it was easier. However, my God expects more from me. It is my duty, as a follower of Christ, to live as Christ lived. ~ 1 John 2:6. Like I said, I’m a work in progress, so please – point out my shortcomings. Mike said this week that if you’re going to witness, you first have to live as a witness.
My prayer for you is that your heart is abundant with Grace and Love For out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. ~ Matthew 12:34
No comments:
Post a Comment